It's been a while...a long while

I haven't been here in a while to share my thoughts and feelings.  Not sure why, sometimes life just gets away from you.  Lately, I have just been tired.  Tired of a lot of things - not necessarily just physically tired, but emotionally tired, too.  Again, not sure why I have been so "tired" lately (trust me, there is more than one reason, this I know), but I am focusing and determined to get out of this so-called slump.  Time to end this pity party and just get up and do something about it.  If there is one thing I have learned since I have last been here, it's that I am responsible for ME, MY happiness.  

So, here we go again.  Picking myself up, dusting myself off.  Onward and upward.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.   You WILL be hearing more from me.  

Lots of Love,

Brenda

Disco Shoes

The first day of 7th grade.  Fifth hour.  Mr. Pedley's math class.  I met someone that day, in that hour.  Leah. 

You meet people in your life and never really know how much they will mean to you.  Here we are @ 26 years later and still have difficulty finding the words to describe how much she means to me.

This girl - she knows me better than I know myself.  Inside and out.  There is not a major (or minor) moment in my life since that day, that I cannot remember Leah being there for.  Good, bad, or ugly - she always has my back - as I do hers.

To say she is my best friend is not nearly close to explaining our relationship.  She is more like family.  My parents considered her one of their own - she is just one of the girls.  

Some of the funny memories - Disco shoes, brain for dinner, eating is serious business, friends don't let friends drink (these things, only she will understand) but that is one of the bonuses of having a friend like this.  The inside jokes - the shared memories.

Some of the serious memories - TWENTY SIX hours of labor (the outcome --
Gabrielle Alexsandra), my wedding, her wedding....way too many to continue to mention.

There are some sad memories, too. 

This may all sound like rambling.... but its all to tell you that I love this girl!!!  I seriously do not know what I would do without her.  She has loved me - even when I did not love myself.  That, my friends, is a true friend.  She makes me a better person.

My wish for all of you, is that you are as blessed as I have been to have such an amazing person in your life. 

Leah -- I love you girl.   Thank you for being the friend you are! 

Best Friends

I have quite a few friends, but only a small group of very close friends that probably know more about me than I do myself. Some I have known my entire life and some I have known for the past four or five years.  I even have one that has four legs.  LOL  Sparky the wonder dog.  (I'm sure you will read more about him later)

Best friends are there for you whenever you need them, regardless of the circumstances.  They love you, no matter what. 

There is something in life that some people don't always have the priveledge of having.  My mom and dad were the two best friends I have ever had.  I was very close to my mom and dad (all of us girls were).  Even today, after they have been gone so long (Mom, eight years in March - Dad, five years in June) they are still here for me.

I catch myself thinking 'what would their advice be'.  And a lot of those times, I really can feel them.  Whether it be a nudge that I need in the right direction or just the reassurance that they were always there with.

Most times, though, its a memory I have of them.  Lord knows there are so many of them.

Lately, the memory of mom that I keep replaying in my head is being in the car with her driving down the freeway (fast of course - LOL dad would always say to her 'just because the speed limit is 55, it doesn't mean you have to do it) and her singing Patsy Cline or Loretta Lynn.  She always sang with a smile on her face and in her voice.  This memory, as most of them, always makes me smile.

Lately, the memory of dad, is him and I sitting in the backyard of the house on Kerstyn street on a summer night.  He was telling me about Grandpa Archibald.  I remember distinctively him saying 'I'd give my right arm for one more conversation with him'. 

I am lucky in that, before both momma and daddy passed, I had very good conversations with them.  With mom, I had a feeling her time was near, and I remember sitting in the hospital room with her in Texas just talking.  About a bunch of stuff that I really wanted her to know.  With dad, we had no idea his time was near.  However, just three hours before he was gone, he was sitting at the foot of my bed and we were having a very deep conversation about a ton of things that had been going on in my life. 

I remember after he walked out of my room, thinking to myself, I wonder where all of that came from. I can't tell you how often I go back to both of these conversations I had with them for a reminder of what their advise would be.  It is true that no matter how old you are, you always need your mom and dad.  Through this journey of mine, past and present, I still need them. 

I thank God for the priveledge of having the mom and dad I had.  The close relationships I had with them and the last conversations with them that God blessed me with.

Love and Miss you, Momma and Daddy!

Just Breathe......

Two very simple words with so much meaning. 

For as long as I can remember, whenever anything was bothering me or weighing on my mind, that's what Daddy would say to me.  Just Breathe.  Those two words really put everything in perspective, regardless of the situation.

I can safely say, that even now, nearly five years since he has passed, not a day goes by that I do not hear him saying those words to me. 

Throughout my journey, when I feel overwhelmed and feel like I have so far to go to get to my final goal, this is what I remind myself to do.

Just Breathe

Here we go.....

So, here's the thing.  For as long as I can remember, my mom would always say, "I should have started a journal".  She did, a few times, but then always seemed to taper off from doing it.   I can only imagine what that journal would contain had she actually journaled even once a month throughout her journey in life - her and dad- raising us five girls, and all. 

I, myself, have been thinking for a while now that I need to journal, or create a blog, so... here it is. 

Whether or not anyone reads or follows (I guess they say in the blog world), you can expect - pretty much what the title says - My Journey to the Healthy and Happy Me.

The healthy and happy me that had been lost for so long.  Sadly, for a very long time, I didn't even know that she was lost.  I mean, I laughed a lot, I had close family, close friends, an amazing church family.  So, I was happy right?  Well, very often in life, we realize, things aren't always what they seem.  This was one of those times.  

Obviously, I wasn't healthy, but the realizing I wasn't happy part.  WOW!  I can't even put my finger on an exact moment when I realized it, I just know over a period of time, it became very evident - I was not a happy person. 

Sounds depressing, huh?  Yep, it was.  The good news, you ask?  Well, I decided to do something about it.  Lots of "somethings", actually.  I am still a 'work in progress', but aren't we all? 

This blog is about that work in progress.  I will be talking about everything, past and present, that has gotten me to the point that I am today.  A very happy girl, well on her way to becoming the healthiest, and happiest, she has been in a VERY long time. 

I hope you find my life as entertaining as I do, sometimes.  As for the sad parts, I have to share those too, they are all part of my journey.  I am realizing though, the fun times WAY out weigh the sad times. 

If you have read this far, and I haven't bored you to death thus far - Welcome to my world.  They seem to like me here =)